Your sexual arousal template is just that: what turns you on and why. It is part of your sexual identity, and it is a complex thing affected by many factors. Sometimes people come to see me because they are troubled by some of their fantasies, desires, impulses or actions. They may want help with determining which fantasies they really want to live out, and which they prefer to keep as just fantasies. Some want help understanding their orientation – because they have conflicting feelings and are confused. Some come in because they have a fetish which is disturbing to them or to their partner. Some are not sure who they are sexually at all, and need help exploring themselves. Some want to know if they are normal.
Jack Morin has written extensively on this topic in his book called The Erotic Mind. I often use the book as a springboard for understanding with my clients. I can help you to understand yourself and your desires, and help to put you at peace with them. I can help you navigate difficult conversations with your partner and have productive discussions.
For example, a client might have a fetish around wearing a particular item of clothing – such as gloves or women’s underwear, or loin cloths during sex. The partner is not so enthused about it, so they come in for sex therapy to fully appreciate their dilemma, and to work towards a solution that will work for them. Or one partner comes in individually before even revealing the fetish to a new partner to learn how to approach this with their partner.
It can be difficult to talk about these issues, but doing so can make a huge difference in how you see yourself or relate to your partner.